i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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