I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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