we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dignity is for republicans.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
