i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
