Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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