Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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