her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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