Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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