last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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