Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
