That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
