omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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