I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
