You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
