Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
