she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
