she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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