my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
