Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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