definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
