I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
