he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
