I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
