i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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