i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
