if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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