she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ugly people sure do ruin things
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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