Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
