"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
