I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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