Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
