That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
