Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
