Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
