I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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