Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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