I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it's like iHOP with fire
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
