My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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