just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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