that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
