is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
