I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
