What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
