Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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