Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
