Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
