mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
