FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i now understand why vodka
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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