found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
