hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
