No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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