I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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