A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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